Today is Autumn's 4th birthday. I can't stop thinking about her, and how much I wish that I could hold her in my arms and hug her tight. My heart aches just thinking about her. On her special day, I'd like to share something with all of you that has been weighing on my mind and heart alot lately.
If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that my family lost Autumn, the first child we were going to adopt, when her biological parents decided to take her back to live with them. What made it even worse is that my parents received the call that she had been taken away from us just 4 days before the were going to leave to go meet her. Long story short, they had to choose another child from Autumn's orphanage to bring home instead. That's when Kami came into the picture :)
Anyway, since we've been home with Kamdyn, I've been thinking alot about Autumn. I have never understood why we lost her. I never understood why we worked so hard for 14 months to bring her home just to lose her. Now, though, I think I finally understand. It finally makes sense to me. Sometimes when you go through a trial, you never understand why you went through that trial. Sometimes, it takes a while for you to understand. Well, God has recently helped me to understand why He allowed us to go through this trial. So, I wanted to share my thoughts here.
God never meant for Autumn to be ours.
It hit me the other day. We had loved Autumn for so long. Longed for her for so long. She was never meant to be ours though. God used Autumn to reveal His even bigger plan to us. He used Autumn to get us to where He really wanted us to be. See, when we started the adoption process, Kamdyn was only 6 months old. At the time, she wasn't available to be adopted by people outside of Russia. A Russian orphan has to be denied by so many Russian families before that can be adoptable to Americans. So, I was sitting there wondering why God didn't just move our hearts to adopt later down the road when Kamdyn was a little older. When she was able to be adopted by us. Then, it hit me. If we would have started the adoption process even a month later, we would have never been able to bring Kamdyn home due to the adoption ban. God wanted Kamdyn with us. If we would have waited to find Kamdyn before starting the adoption process, then she wouldn't be here with us today. Even if we would have lost another child in a different orphanage, the outcome wouldn't be the same because Kamdyn wouldn't be in that child's orphanage. God just used Autumn to get us to where we were meant to be all along. Yes, our hearts were broken along the way, but that's just because we didn't see the big picture at the time. Autumn was never meant to be ours.
All along, Kamdyn was meant to be ours. We just didn't know it at the time. Now that I see the big picture, I am so thankful that God led us to Autumn. Even though we endured heartbreak, I am thankful. Because if we didn't choose Autumn, then we never would have been able to have Kamdyn.
.....and I can't imagine my life without her.
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If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that my family lost Autumn, the first child we were going to adopt, when her biological parents decided to take her back to live with them. What made it even worse is that my parents received the call that she had been taken away from us just 4 days before the were going to leave to go meet her. Long story short, they had to choose another child from Autumn's orphanage to bring home instead. That's when Kami came into the picture :)
Anyway, since we've been home with Kamdyn, I've been thinking alot about Autumn. I have never understood why we lost her. I never understood why we worked so hard for 14 months to bring her home just to lose her. Now, though, I think I finally understand. It finally makes sense to me. Sometimes when you go through a trial, you never understand why you went through that trial. Sometimes, it takes a while for you to understand. Well, God has recently helped me to understand why He allowed us to go through this trial. So, I wanted to share my thoughts here.
God never meant for Autumn to be ours.
It hit me the other day. We had loved Autumn for so long. Longed for her for so long. She was never meant to be ours though. God used Autumn to reveal His even bigger plan to us. He used Autumn to get us to where He really wanted us to be. See, when we started the adoption process, Kamdyn was only 6 months old. At the time, she wasn't available to be adopted by people outside of Russia. A Russian orphan has to be denied by so many Russian families before that can be adoptable to Americans. So, I was sitting there wondering why God didn't just move our hearts to adopt later down the road when Kamdyn was a little older. When she was able to be adopted by us. Then, it hit me. If we would have started the adoption process even a month later, we would have never been able to bring Kamdyn home due to the adoption ban. God wanted Kamdyn with us. If we would have waited to find Kamdyn before starting the adoption process, then she wouldn't be here with us today. Even if we would have lost another child in a different orphanage, the outcome wouldn't be the same because Kamdyn wouldn't be in that child's orphanage. God just used Autumn to get us to where we were meant to be all along. Yes, our hearts were broken along the way, but that's just because we didn't see the big picture at the time. Autumn was never meant to be ours.
All along, Kamdyn was meant to be ours. We just didn't know it at the time. Now that I see the big picture, I am so thankful that God led us to Autumn. Even though we endured heartbreak, I am thankful. Because if we didn't choose Autumn, then we never would have been able to have Kamdyn.
.....and I can't imagine my life without her.
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1 comment:
Exactly! Beautifully put.
Love the pics & fair skin with the cool skin patterns like my son has too sometimes lol
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